25 Days of Pride & Prejudice: Day 19 – Deranged and Spiteful

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Episode 1, Fourth watch

When Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood, Mrs. Bennet looks to marry off one of her five daughters.

Here’s a fun little game to play while you read this — try to figure out which quotes are Trump and which are Lady Catherine… 🙃🙃🙃

Dear Miss Lizzy:

I write to express my strongest and most powerful protest against the rumors being perpetrated by you and your mother (WHOM I GIVE NO COMPLIMENTS TO) in this prettyish little garden to the side.

This rumor represents an unprecedented abuse of power by your Meddling Mama, unequaled in nearly eight centuries of English history.

The rumors of your marriage to my nephew, Mr. Darcy, introduced to me by SOMEONE WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS — but who is definitely not my curate, Mr. Collins — are not recognizable under any standard of theory or interpretation or actions known to me and me alone.

My nephew made no offers of marriage, no promises, and no flirting whatsoever! You have cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, marriage!

I am shocked and astonished. I expected to find a more reasonable young woman. But do not deceive yourself into a belief that I will ever recede. I will not go away till you have given me the assurance I require.

By proceeding with your invalid rumors, you are violating the promises I assumed you made to me when I invited you into my house, Rosings Park, you are breaking your allegiance to ME, and you are declaring open war on MY PLANS for my daughter.

You dare to invoke the Name of Pemberley in pursuit of this marriage scheme??? Yet your spiteful actions display unfettered contempt for what I think is most important to ME, and your egregious conduct threatens to destroy that which I pledged my very life to build.

Even worse than offending the memory of my dear sister, you are offending ME by continually saying “I have said no such thing,” when you know this statement is not true, unless it is meant in a negative sense.

It is a terrible thing you are doing!

To all the objections I have already urged, I have still another to add. I am no stranger to the particulars of your youngest sister’s infamous elopement. I know it all; that the young man’s marrying her was a patched-up business, at the expence of your father and uncles.

Your claim, that you are “resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness,” is a completely disingenuous, meritless, and baseless invention of your imagination.

You know that I had a totally innocent conversation with Mr. Collins. I then had a second conversation that has been misquoted, mischaracterized, and fraudulently misrepresented.

I said to my nephew: “I would like you to do us a favor, because Pemberley has been through a lot and you know a lot about it.”

I said do Pemberley a favor, not me. I then mentioned your sister and her unfortunate alliance with the son of his father’s late steward. Is such a woman to be his sister-in-law!? Every time I talk with Darcy, I put Pemberley’s interests first.

Perhaps most insulting of all is your false display of solemnity.

You apparently have so little respect for the me that you expect me to believe that you are entirely unaware of my nephew’s intention to make you an offer of marriage. No intelligent person believes what you are saying!

Since the moment I met you, you have been possessed by Marriage Fever. There is no reticence. This is not a somber affair.

You are making a mockery of marriage and you are scarcely concealing your hatred of me and of Pemberley.

Are the shades of Pemberley to be this polluted!!?!

There is far too much that needs to be done to improve my life. It is time for you and your mama in Meryton to immediately cease this marriage fantasy and get back to helping me set up Darcy with my daughter.

While I have no expectation that you will do so, I write this letter to you for the purpose puttting my thoughts on a permanent and indelible record.

Two hundred years from now, when people look back at this, I want them to understand it, and learn from it, so that it can never happen to another Lady again.

Sincerely yours,

Lady Catherine DeBourgh

Don’t forget to share, and happy Impeachment season to you and yours!!


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