Episode 4, First watch
Rejected by Elizabeth, Darcy returns to Rosings Park and writes to her, revealing the truth about Wickham’s character.
Someone on Twitter referred to this series as the Boozy Bennets and I’ve been knocking that idea around in my head ever since… so whoever you were, wherever you are — this is all your fault.
Jane: Sherry Sipper
Sip sherry straight in an impossibly small wine glass. Create a lovely nut, cheese and charcuterie board for your guests. Make sure they are comfortable. Perhaps have a cozy fire going. Talk about whatever they want to talk about, and never imbibe more sherry than would be discreet for a lady of your standing. Pair the drink only with your own homemade pastries and pies. Do not admit that you made them until someone flat out asks.
Elizabeth: A Muddy Hem-slide
1 1/2 oz chocolate vodka (can substitute with vanilla or plain vodka too)
1 1/2 oz Irish cream
1 1/2 oz Kahlua
1 oz creme de cacao
48 oz chocolate ice cream
Instructions: Add chocolate vodka, Irish cream, Kahlua, creme de cacao and chocolate ice cream in a large blender. Blend well, or at least until you drown out the noise of your mother complaining in the other room. Dip two glass rims in chocolate syrup, then in sprinkles. If desired, drizzle chocolate syrup around the inside of the glasses. Pour into two glasses, top with whipped cream, a sprinkle of grated chocolate and a few mini chocolate chips. Hold one glass in each hand, refuse to dance with any annoying men because your hands are full. Refill as required.
Mary: Whiskey Neat
Whiskey (Irish or Scottish)
Instructions: Pour your whiskey into a glass. Tell everyone that you only drink whiskey because it’s the only alcohol worth drinking. What are rocks and mountains compared to straight liquor? Smell the whiskey 2 or 3 times before tasting it. Slosh it around in the glass a few times and pretend to stare at it like it helps. Be sure everyone notices you doing this. Sip the whiskey neat, without ice or water. Explain the etymological history of the word “neat.” Make sure everyone knows that you only drink your whiskey neat. Tell them multiple times so it really sinks in. Roll the whiskey around in your mouth before swallowing. Really make a show of slowly tasting the whiskey. After you take a sip, breathe in through your nose in a long, smooth breath out of your mouth. Explain what you are doing at all times. You must say out loud: “Alcohol is volatile, and a controlled breath keeps it from exploding in your sinuses.” Explain exactly what the sinus system is in detail. Repeat.
Kitty: Pina Kitlada
1 1/2 cup ice
1/2 cup diced pineapple, frozen
2 oz pineapple juice
2 oz coconut cream
2 oz white rum
1 oz dark rum
Instructions: Put the ice, frozen pineapple, juice, coconut cream and the white and dark rums into a blender. Turn on the blender and cough loudly until someone pays attention to all the noise you’re making. Blend until the mixture is as indistinguishable as you are from your sisters. Pour the drink into 1 giant glass and garnish with pineapple slices. Drink quietly in a corner of the room.
Lydia: Sex in Bath
1 oz Peach schnapps
1 oz Orange juice
1 oz Pineapple juice
1 oz Cranberry juice
Instructions: Add all the ingredients into a shaker with ice. Strain into a condom. Tie off the open end and poke a hole in the bottom to suck on. Garnish with a Plan B pill. Make several for you and your friends — lol jk, they’re all for you — and tuck in your reticule for later.
Don’t forget to share and tag Drunk Austen for a chance to win our Jane’s Birthday Prize Pack this year!