The Dashwood Family
Barton Cottage, Barton Park
Hello all! Happy holidays, Merry Christmas and joyous whatever holiday you celebrate but have to keep quiet about because this is 1811 England we’re still pretty intolerant as fuck, in general. 🎄
The girls and I have had a rough year of it, y’know, with Mr. Dashwood dying and everything. (The real tragedy is how well I’m pulling off this black crepe, amiright or amiright?!)
And we did get kicked out of Norland Park. (Shout out to John and Fanny! This is why your father abandoned you at a young age!) But my dear, dear cousin Sir Middleton has taken us in. The rent is cheap but we have to listen to his mother-in-law’s terrible jokes so… it’s really a wash.
And of course, Marianne ruined her reputation by gallivanting around with Mr. Willoughby, who I ALWAYS SAID was no good for her and anyone who brings up how much I loved him at the start is wrong, ELINOR.
Then she got SUPER sick and almost died, but keeping two out of three alive in 1811 is no small feat. Anyway, she lived so I still have a 100% success rate!
Also, please send sugar and meat in lieu of Christmas gifts this year. My eldest is trying to STARVE us.
Darling (First Name),
Enclosed, please find a little present just for you.
Forever and always yours,
Happy holidays to all my family and friends! Mama tells me I have been very happy this year, and we are dining with several important families this season so I guess that means I am doing well.
Additionally, I have been instructed to buy a barouche,
so if you know of anyone who is selling one on the cheap, so please let me know what you think are the best, most fashionable models this year.
Also, I seem to be missing a monogrammed handkerchief? If anyone knows what happened to it, I’d love to have it back. (Who knows what misunderstandings that could cause, right!?)
I shall be returning to Oxford in a few weeks, and I shall break my journey at Norland Park to see my dearest sister Fanny. (I’m not sure how to adequately express sarcasm in a letter, but I am *REALLY* looking forward to that.) 😒
I hope your holidays are happier than mine!
To Whom It May Concern,
Best wishes for a joyous Yuletide season from the Dashwood Family.
A gift of £5 has been made in your name to the Norland Park Conservation Fund.
Mr. and Mrs. John Dashwood, Esq.