25 Days of Sense & Sensibility: Day 5 – Lucy Steele Can Suck It

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There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women, but Lucy Steele? That bitch is going straight into Satan’s nostril.


Before we get started with today’s blog, I have a fun announcement to make!

If you’re anywhere near the Anaheim area between now and Dec. 23, there’s a FABULOUS musical version of Emma being put on at the Chance Theater, and they’re offering Drunk Austen fans a 20% discount on tickets! Use “AUSTEN1423” at checkout and when you get there, make sure you tell them we sent you! (That last part is not required but I get a kick out of the idea of strangers discussing us, so please proudly tell everyone that you’re a Drunk Janeite 😂)

You can also check out the music video for the show here!


Ok. To the topic at hand.

By now, you know my M.O.

I will make a case for the goodness in just about any maligned character. I literally just wrote a thesis on Willoughby. Last year I went to bat for Mary Bennet and even wrote a blog titled “In Defense Of Caroline Bingley.” If that doesn’t demonstrate something to you, then I don’t know what will. (But fuck Lydia Bennet and FUUUUUCK Amy March.)

I may have to widen my hate circle (which currently only includes Amy, Lydia, Hitler, that biiiiitch Patty Russell from high school, and Donald Trump) to include Lucy Steele, though.

She SO CLEARLY knows what the fuck is going on between Edward and Elinor and does EVERYTHING she can to carpet bomb their chances.

Now, the optimist in me wants to forgive her and remind myself that as a relatively poor woman in the 19th century, Lucy would have had few options open to her besides making a good marriage. And Edward was and extremely good match! I would have been loathe to give that up too.

And, I’d like to stare for the record that NONE of this is aimed at Imogen Stubbs, the actress who portrays Lucy in this adaption. She is a goddamn TREASURE and it takes a lot of skill to portray someone so loathsome. I’m sure she is a lovely person, who deserves nothing but the best.

BUT FUCK THAT BITCH LUCY STEELE.

So I announced yesterday on Twitter that today’s entry was going to be about Lucy Steele, and I asked y’all for your hot takes. Here are some of my faves:

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I can get behind almost all of those theories and opinions. Y’all have clearly put some thought into this. And I think it’s generally accepted that Lucy is one of the worst Austen villains — she usually shows up on lists of the most vilified, along with Wickham, Mary Crawford, Aunt Norris, and Mrs. Elton. I think we respond viscerally to such a horrible person on the page or screen — there’s just not a single redeeming quality about her.

So here are all the things, in my opinion, that Lucy does in the movie which make her so goddamn UNFORGIVABLE:

1) She knows who Elinor is from the very beginning and lures her into a false sense of security by pretending to be her friend.

2) She drops this huge piece of news on Elinor about her secret engagement to Edward, then swears her to secrecy, knowing that Elinor will be distressed and unable to share the information with anyone. Also, excuse you, but being “secretly engaged” for FIVE FUCKIN YEARS is ridiculous.

3) I know he looks on you quite as his own sister.” OK WOW. THATS HOW WE GON’ PLAY?

4) THAT BULLSHIT WITH THE HANKY. THAT BITCH PURPOSEFULLY SHOWED OFF THE INITIALS LIKE KENDALL JENNER HOLDING A CAN IN A GODDAMN PEPSI COMMERCIAL AND THEN CHECKED TO MAKE SURE ELINOR SAW.

5) She then convinces Elinor to agree to go to London, where she knows Elinor will have to watch her with Edward. (And Edward will have to ignore Elinor for the sake of Lucy.) She totally watches Elinor every time someone brings up Edward too, like she’s waiting for a weakness to pounce on. Poor Elinor clearly feels so trapped.

6) That whole time in the carriage when Elinor is stuck next to Lucy droning on and on about how FAITHFUL Edward is and WHAT A GOOD MAN and oh my god I would have thrown her little bitch ass under the wheels and danced an Irish jig to the sound of the crunch. Elinor is a goddamn saint.

7) And then at the BALL when all she does is gossip with Robert Ferrars about Marianne, WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE HER FRIEND. Those two jerks fucking deserve each other, I swear to god. Also that dig about not having “any special acquaintance to make his attendance worthwhile” was totally aimed at Elinor, and was so obviously fed to him by Fanny. (I’m honestly surprised that Fanny didn’t like Lucy more. Those three are goddamn pieces of WORK.)

8) You know what the best part in the WHOLE MOVIE is? (Other than every scene Alan Rickman is in, OBVIOUSLY.)

ITS WHEN FANNY BITCH SLAPS LUCY AND GRABS HER BY HER LIL PIG NOSE AND KICKS HER LYIN’ BITCH ASS OUT INTO THE STREET.

And the piece de resistance:

Lucy causes Edward, who is an honorable man, to give up his inheritance and his family connections in order to preserve her honor and marry her. AND THEN THAT LYING LITTLE HO ASS BITCH LEAVES HIM TO FUCK HIS OWN BROTHER.

Ok. That’s it. I’m done. I literally cannot raise my blood pressure any more tonight. Tune in tomorrow when I talk about puppies and rainbows and butterflies BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY ABOUT TO GO APESHIT ON A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

-R

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12 thoughts on “25 Days of Sense & Sensibility: Day 5 – Lucy Steele Can Suck It

  1. Lucy Steele is the WORST. I’d been wanting to reread S&S and finally did a few months ago by listening to the audiobook version (read by the flawless Rosamund Pike to perfection) and decided that Lucy is among the TOP Austen villains. She might be worse than Willoughby and is definitely worse than Caroline Bingley and the Eltons and the Thorpes. She made my blood boil every time she spoke (Rosamund Pike’s voice inflections for her were nauseatingly, perfectly pretentious and nasally).

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  2. When Fanny throws Lucy out onto the street I cheered. Lucy really clings onto Edward. If it wasn’t for his mother disinheriting him then he would have had to marry Lucy. Lucy just didn’t want to be poor. I thought Robert said the line about no acquaintance worthwhile was a dig at Edward. Because in the 2008 version he compliments Elinor. Much to Lucy’s annoyance.

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  3. I think it is so fitting for Lucy Steele’s personality to tell the Dashwood’s man, Thomas, that she will send them a piece of the wedding cake. She is so poisonous that of course she would be delighted to send such a ‘compliment’ along with her report that she was vastly contented. I truly doubt her shriveled heart would take such an action, unless she could be there to witness the pain she believe she is inflicting.
    I looked back in the book, and while the wedding cake was not mentioned, I think it was a perfect detail to add to give Lucy Steele that additional edge that makes her positively evil.

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  4. I love this post SO MUCH. I feel exactly the same way, except you put it so much better than I ever could. I tip my hat at you, ma’am!

    And I agree, Imogene Stubbs is amazing, and Harriet Walter is BRILLIANT as Fanny. She is amazing in everything, but Fanny Dashwood is just a delicious villain. I need to watch this (and read it) again!

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    1. What did Fanny mean by that? A snake or a spiteful treacherous person? I thought it ironic since Fanny had earlier said about poor women with no money praying on Edward’s kind nature.

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  5. You’re right, it’s an impeccable portrayal of a heinous character. Her little kitten ways make me want to drawn her in a barrel! The one thing I regret is that Elinor never gets the chance to tell her off.

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  6. By far this is your best rant yet. I’ve ignored Lucy’s awfulness for too many years. She is now and forever on my hate train.
    (And Elinor is a saint. I maintain Elinor is too good for most of us; same goes for Alan Rickman’s portrayal of Colonel Brandon. Sigh…)

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