Sooo… I’m kind of drunk right now.
Not NOW, as in, right now as you read this, but NOW as in while I’m writing this, which is basically the night before it gets posted which is technically also now as you read this but also there’s people who won’t read this for weeks but this moment is that moment and fuck I just made myself dizzy trying to think about that.
AND NO, I will not be doing a drinking game…tonight. I may or may not be saving that for a special day. Which is not the same special day as tomorrow, which you should DEFINITELY come back for to see what’s up.
(I drank that)
(And some of that)
Anyway, I had some AMAZING drinks tonight, all Christmas-themed, and I kind of want to carry on in this style for today’s blog. Which is to say, a very alcoholic style.
So I’m going to try to describe the 2005 Pride & Prejudice characters as if they were specialty shooters on a drinks menu:
The Lizzy Bennet
Not as good as you think it’s going to be, but it’ll do when you can’t have the drink you actually want. It’s the only drink on the menu that includes your favorite liquor so you’ll order it for now until you get drunk enough to start mixing.
The Mr. Darcy
The drink that everyone raves about, the one that you came here for because your friend wouldn’t shut up about it. First sip is fine, even bordering on good, but you’re kind of meh about it the longer you have to drink it.
The Mr. Wickham
Make a Long Island Iced Tea. Drink it. Repeat until you black out and can’t remember where your wallet is the next day.
The Mr. Bingley
Far too sweet, even if you like sweet drinks. Comes with a candy straw, whipped cream, good intentions, and a cherry on top.
The Caroline Bingley
Jägermeister, peach schnapps, cranberry juice and disdain.
The Mr. Collins
Tastes like black licorice and regret. The kind of drink that your friend likes and you can’t understand why they’d ever let it get near their mouth.
The Lady Catherine
Whiskey, straight up. But the bartender has to stay there the whole time and talk shit about you to your face.
The Anne DeBourgh
Try not to make too much noise and quietly leave the bar without ever actually having ordered anything.
The Georgiana Darcy
Elderflower vodka, simple syrup and egg whites, whip into a froth and then smash all those delicate hopes on the ground just like Wickham did.
The Charlotte Collins
Whatever’s cheapest on the menu.
The Lydia and The Kitty
Looks neon, practically radioactive. Comes in a pair. Drink The Lydia first, but it’s ok if you don’t get around to The Kitty.
The Mrs. Bennet
Makes your head hurt just looking at it.
The Mr. Bennet
Best enjoyed alone, in a corner, with a good book. The waitress knows if she interrupts, she’ll lose her tip.
The Pig’s Ballz
A regular chocolate mudslide, but you stare at it lustfully until everyone around you is uncomfortable.
Find the first two weeks of madness here:
And, now that it’s over, here’s all the rest: