25 Days of Pride & Prejudice, Day 3: Every Time Someone’s Bangs Annoyed Me (Mostly Keira’s)

“Didn’t we JUST watch this?” — My brain

Why yes, brain, yes we did. And because I haven’t yet run out of ideas for articles, I’m going to tackle one of my favorite things to bitch about while watching this movie: The bangs.

Dear god. The bangs.

Clearly, a rogue hairdresser with larger ideas than talent decided to take their hairy revenge out on anyone in this film with the audacity to have fringe on their forehead.

You know who doesn’t have a single hair out of place in the entire film? Jane and Bingley. They both look great, always. I’m forced to believe then that Rosamund Pike and Simon Wood were the only kind souls on set to this deservedly-maligned hairdresser and were rewarded with NOT LOOKING LIKE TOTAL IDIOTS.

OK jokes aside, was this 2005’s version of a hip haircut? I honestly don’t remember, as I’ve forced myself to forget most of the ’00s. Or were they trying to go for something acceptable that was semi-Regency-era appropriate? As much as I’d laugh uproariously at love to see Keira Knightly with tightly-curled ringlets framing her face, ala Jennifer Ehle in the ’95 version, I can see why the filmmakers wanted to go with something a little softer and a little more modern.

But let me say this so that everyone can hear me: NOT BRUSHING YOUR HAIR IS NOT SEXY. STOP TRYING TO MAKE MESSY HAIR SEXY. IT WILL NEVER BE SEXY. YOU LOOK DUMB. My mother would have sooner let me out of the house in a halter top and mini-skirt than see me walk out with bangs looking like that.

Here are some of my favorite examples of GOD-AWFUL DISTRACTINGLY MESSY HAIR THAT BASICALLY RUINS THE WHOLE MOVIE FOR ME:

Honestly I don’t even know where to start in this picture. A plethora, truly.

Now they’ve roped Charlotte into this mess.

NO. NO. NO. DEAR GOD, WHY?

Roughly the same look I had on my face when I saw your hairdo, Lydia.

The only acceptable excuse for this hairstyle is that she just came downstairs after taking a shower and the hairdryer Caroline Bingley lent her didn’t work very well.

I’d look worried meeting a hot guy with that thing on my forehead too.

Distracting Darcy with a feather won’t work. He’s still going to see your hair.

My face, seeing all the bangs this movie.

Oh honey, those feathers aren’t going to help you at all.

Somehow the rain has made them simultaneously worse and better, because at least now there’s a reason they look like that.

Damn, they got Darcy too.

(This scene isn’t actually any worse for bangs than any other, I just think Keira Knightley’s face here is fuckin great.)

Apparently marriage doesn’t agree with Lydia’s bangs.

WHY.

DEAR GOD.

WHYYYYYY?

And they lived happily ever after, producing children with bangs that could kill a man at twenty paces.

(Y’all, I need you to understand how hard it was to only chose 25-ish photos. I could have basically shared every scene with Keira in it and called it a day, but at some point we have to end this nightmare.)

Return tomorrow for more of the madness. If you missed the first installments, find them here:

Day 1
Day 2
And now that it’s over, here’s all the rest:
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 18
Day 19
Day 20
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25

– Admin R

31 thoughts on “25 Days of Pride & Prejudice, Day 3: Every Time Someone’s Bangs Annoyed Me (Mostly Keira’s)

  1. Very funny! The whole proposal in the rain scene is so odd. Also Macfadyen as Darcy’s costumes are quite shabby. Darcy has 10000 a year he would dressed more formally and this is Darcy who is staid and haughty. Macfadyen looks more like Aidan Turner in Poldark in his costumes than Darcy. Ross it makes sense but not macfadyen’s costume as Darcy.

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  2. This post is spot on, the bangs nearly singlehandedly killed this version for me. Her bangs in the meadow scene at the end with Darcy are atrocious! Thank you for ranting about this, it was very satisfying to read and find a fellow bang hater!!

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  3. I thought I read, or heard, that Knightley’s bad hair is because she had shaved her head for her previous film (Domino?) She had spiky hair all over that is very hard to smoothly hide with a wig, so that’s why her hair was worn down so often, and that’s why the bangs – covering that fresh growth that couldn’t be tamed 🙂

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  4. I never even noticed the bangs & I don’t care NOW.
    So much abt the movie was inaccurate, starting w/the script, which is far more important. Worse than the bangs were Donald Sutherland’s HUGE, WHITE TEETH. They stuck out like….HOLLYWOOD TEETH . Very non-period.
    But keep up the good work. I’m enjoying your daily rant.

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  5. God BANGIT! DRUNK AUSTEN! you nailed it on the head! No seriously. With the amount of mirrors around in that day and age, please movie makers, those are NOT historical bangs for the love of GOD!

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  6. Did you notice the serving girl in the background escaped the mad bang hairdresser? You would think she would look happier.

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  7. You’re hilarious. Maybe bangs are here to emphasize the class disparity; bangs = poor people vs. impeccable hairdos = wealthy ladies. Just a guess, I still have to watch it again, just to enjoy the 22 coming days even more.

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