“Didn’t we JUST watch this?” — My brain
Why yes, brain, yes we did. And because I haven’t yet run out of ideas for articles, I’m going to tackle one of my favorite things to bitch about while watching this movie: The bangs.
Dear god. The bangs.
Clearly, a rogue hairdresser with larger ideas than talent decided to take their hairy revenge out on anyone in this film with the audacity to have fringe on their forehead.
You know who doesn’t have a single hair out of place in the entire film? Jane and Bingley. They both look great, always. I’m forced to believe then that Rosamund Pike and Simon Wood were the only kind souls on set to this deservedly-maligned hairdresser and were rewarded with NOT LOOKING LIKE TOTAL IDIOTS.
OK jokes aside, was this 2005’s version of a hip haircut? I honestly don’t remember, as I’ve forced myself to forget most of the ’00s. Or were they trying to go for something acceptable that was semi-Regency-era appropriate? As much as I’d laugh uproariously at love to see Keira Knightly with tightly-curled ringlets framing her face, ala Jennifer Ehle in the ’95 version, I can see why the filmmakers wanted to go with something a little softer and a little more modern.
But let me say this so that everyone can hear me: NOT BRUSHING YOUR HAIR IS NOT SEXY. STOP TRYING TO MAKE MESSY HAIR SEXY. IT WILL NEVER BE SEXY. YOU LOOK DUMB. My mother would have sooner let me out of the house in a halter top and mini-skirt than see me walk out with bangs looking like that.
Here are some of my favorite examples of GOD-AWFUL DISTRACTINGLY MESSY HAIR THAT BASICALLY RUINS THE WHOLE MOVIE FOR ME:
Honestly I don’t even know where to start in this picture. A plethora, truly.
Now they’ve roped Charlotte into this mess.
NO. NO. NO. DEAR GOD, WHY?
Roughly the same look I had on my face when I saw your hairdo, Lydia.
The only acceptable excuse for this hairstyle is that she just came downstairs after taking a shower and the hairdryer Caroline Bingley lent her didn’t work very well.
I’d look worried meeting a hot guy with that thing on my forehead too.
Distracting Darcy with a feather won’t work. He’s still going to see your hair.
My face, seeing all the bangs this movie.
Oh honey, those feathers aren’t going to help you at all.
Somehow the rain has made them simultaneously worse and better, because at least now there’s a reason they look like that.
Damn, they got Darcy too.
(This scene isn’t actually any worse for bangs than any other, I just think Keira Knightley’s face here is fuckin great.)
Apparently marriage doesn’t agree with Lydia’s bangs.
And they lived happily ever after, producing children with bangs that could kill a man at twenty paces.
(Y’all, I need you to understand how hard it was to only chose 25-ish photos. I could have basically shared every scene with Keira in it and called it a day, but at some point we have to end this nightmare.)
Return tomorrow for more of the madness. If you missed the first installments, find them here:
And now that it’s over, here’s all the rest:
– Admin R